Its been a bit! I know I know, I promised I’d give an update quite a while ago; but things have been so busy that I just have not had the time. Nor have I felt that I could update on just one thing… I wanted to get to a ‘full stop’ and give a total overall update!
First, I talked about coming out to my employer; and being nervous on if I should or not. I ultimately decided that I would come out to my employer; and set about drafting, re-drafting, and finally, sending an email to my HR director. Upon sending that email, it took about a day before I was called in to her office; to remind me that the Hospital has a strict zero tolerance harassment policy; and that if I ran into any issues to please report it. She also wanted to know how I wanted to proceed; did I want to come out publicly to everyone at once, or little by little? I chose to go little by little, to avoid ‘rocking the boat’ and let everyone adjust at the same rate I’ll be adjusting.
Coming out to my employer had a few side effects… the first was it empowered me to seek more capability with my makeup skills, and skincare etc… second it helped me get set with an appointment to visit one of the local practitioners to get started. I had my labs drawn on August the 2nd; and I wanted to update as soon as I got the results back. Well, I got the results back today! Forewarned, the following contains a bunch of medical speak….
I had a CBC, BMP, Testosterone, Prolactin, and Estrogen drawn.
CBC stands for complete blood count – most of which is irrelevant to this, other than determining general health. The most relevant thing you need to know from this; is that I do not have elevated, or low, white blood cell counts (all fall within normal range)
BMP – Basic Metabolic Panel – this just showed I’m in general good health, with no markers pointing to anything like liver issues etc. Everything was within range.
Testosterone – This is where it gets interesting – My testosterone level is 350 ng/dL. (nanograms per deciliter) which is on the low-end of the scale for a male my age, with my fitness, with my health. I was told its roughly the testosterone level (given those factors) of a 55-65 year old. Meaning, its fairly low. Its not so low, that were I wishing to stay male, that it would require treatment – just the occasional monitoring. Evidence is there however, that my testosterone has -always- been low. For example, my voice never changed in the same way it did for my brother. I have a very hidden ‘adams apple’ whereas my Brother has a very prominent one; as does my Dad. Some evidence exists even, to suggest that my result of 350 ng/dL of testosterone is actually that of someone even -older- (possibly normal for 85 years+) as some more modern research has shown that normal for a 30 year old male’s testosterone range should be between 600 and 1100.
So what does that mean on the testosterone? Well, it means that I don’t have much of it. I don’t have anywhere near enough of it… and this is a good thing; provided its not because of underlying factors of significant health risk. What are the possible causes?
- Testicular injury (usually temporary) – I was kicked once… at age 13. Somehow, I doubt this was it.
- Testicular Cancer – I have no family history of it; and its safe to say I’m very familiar with the shape of mine. Also, I have no other symptoms of it.
- Hormonal Disorder (Seems most likely candidate, but its a broad brush)
- Infection (no elevated white counts, so no)
- Aids (first off, still virgin, second off, I -do- get myself tested, and thats a negative)
- Chronic Liver/ Kidney disease (I have neither, lab results confirm)
- type 2 Diabetes (nope, and no family history either)
- Obesity (I am ‘obese’ barely, but not -enough- for this to have given me such a significant impact on my testosterone levels)
So, I said that there are signs that this has been a chronically low level? What are they, I’m sure you are curious. That means its list time again.
- Lack of adams apple / significant change of voice at puberty (don’t get me wrong, I still sound male right now… mostly… but my voice has often been confused for female – and every time it has been, I’ve been happy about it – but the masculine side of my voice is more about vocal patterns than its pitch)
- Lack of testicular size-change from puberty (I’ve always been a curious sort… while my ‘big clitty’ has grown as I went through puberty, my testicles did not… they are still the same 1cm by 1.5cm by 1.2cm size they have always been.)
- sparse – but existing chest/facial hair (I have chest hair, I have back hair, I have facial hair, etc… but its sparse. Compared to my dad – the grizzly bear, and compared to my brother – who’s also quite grizzly – I have almost none. For that matter, my chest hair is also quite fine…. relatively speaking. Note: belly hair included here. My facial hair, is also quite sparse, and much of it has gone wiry, but lacks any coloration at all. Testosterone both provides the motivation to turn on those follicles, and to give them color, and make them grow thicker. This suggests that I have enough testosterone to turn -most- of them on… but not all the way, and not properly)
- Inability to put on muscle mass (I’ve always had difficulty building up muscles. I have the musculature I was born to grow into, but not much more – despite lots of weight training and personal trainer-guided supplements)
So, then you have prolactin level – This is really a hormone that both men and women have; its directly linked to lactation, as well as to erectile dysfunction. I don’t have ED (at least I don’t think I do, considering nightly masturbation performances) but I have a prolactin level of 10.2 ng/mL which is on the upper end of the scale for ‘normal’ for men. Its on the lower end of the scale for ‘normal’ for women. What does this mean? I havn’t a clue…. yet.
Lastly, we have estrogen levels – mine at 41 pg/mL which is on the middle-end of the scale for men, and the low end of the scale for women (as in, needs treatment low)
Conclusion here is, my hormones say I’m male – barely. The results have been sent off for referral to an endocrinologist, and I’m waiting on that call now. The importance there, being that as the beginning of me going on hormones. I’m almost there! To top that off, my research is showing me that my body is prime for feminization because of my chronically low testosterone! Seems I may have not done as much damage in my T-Boosting supplement days of self hatred as I thought I might have.
Lastly, my streams have been going well; as expected, there are plenty of viewers freaked out by the fact that I’m on there, sounding male-ish-sometimes, broad shouldered, small-busted, big-chested, still-learning makeup, and bad at hair-styling… confusing them till they look and see ‘transgender’ then leave… But I’ve also met quite a few people who are both cool with it, and encouraging of my journey. And then there are the third type – who don’t care, so long as I’m not pounding it into their skull every 3 minutes that I’m trans. ((Apparently thats a thing on twitch? who knew… I thought we were here to play games, not preach)) At any rate… I’ve gotten good enough with makeup on the cheep end of the scale, that I felt comfortable dropping some cash on some good stuff – and I think I got it mostly right. I have been streaming in full makeup ever since; and have even found a wonderful shade of matte-red-pink lipstick that I adore on me. My hair is getting longer, my breast massage technique thing is working – and I think once paired with hormones will be quite wonderful. And I’m closer and closer to being out fully, and putting the costume away to live as me… for the first time in thirty years.
Cheers! ~Jessica
jessicasboudoire 